{"id":316,"date":"2022-08-03T16:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-03T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/do-you-know-your-spouses-top-five\/"},"modified":"2024-12-17T19:02:00","modified_gmt":"2024-12-17T19:02:00","slug":"do-you-know-your-spouses-top-five","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/renewing-life-center-blog\/do-you-know-your-spouses-top-five\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Know Your Spouse\u2019s Top Five?"},"content":{"rendered":"<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
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\"\"<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/figure><\/div>\n

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What are the top five things that make your spouse feel loved and cared for?<\/p>\n

If you are not sure, it is a great question to ask them. Thousands of couples were asked this same question by marriage researcher Shaunti Feldhahn. After sifting through thousands of responses, she developed a list of the top five actions women desired from their husbands, and the top five behaviors husbands desired from their wives. The specific actions and behaviors that helped them feel loved, cared about, and appreciated. One of the most important gifts a husband or wife can give to their spouse is to do the little things (or big things) that make their partner feel loved and cared about. But what are they?<\/p>\n

According to Feldhan\u2019s research found in her book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages<\/em>, there are common factors that make women feel cared about and loved by their spouse and a different set of items which help husbands feel loved and appreciated.<\/p>\n

The top five she found for wives are:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.    Take my hand when we are in public, walking or sitting together.<\/p>\n

2.    Leave me a voicemail, text, or email to say you love me and are thinking about me.<\/p>\n

3.    Put your arm around me or your hand on my knee when we are sitting in public.<\/p>\n

4.    Give me a sincere compliment on my appearance.<\/p>\n

5.    Work hard to pull yourself out of a bad mood or a temporary funk.<\/p>\n

The top five for husbands are:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.    Notice my effort at something and give a sincere \u201cthank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.    Say something that makes it clear I make you happy.<\/p>\n

3.    Let me know that you desire me sexually or that I please you sexually.<\/p>\n

4.    Tell me I did something well.<\/p>\n

5.    Publicly acknowledge good things about me or about our marriage.<\/p>\n

These lists provide some helpful suggestions, but they may not be the best fit for your spouse. Certainly, everyone is different and the items on this list may completely miss your spouse\u2019s love language. When I meet with couples in my office, I often do an exercise where I ask each spouse to create a list of at least ten positive things their spouse can do for them to make them feel cared about and loved. I then have them exchange lists and make it a priority to do something from their spouse\u2019s list each day. I instruct them to keep their focus on how well they are doing and not on how well their spouse is doing. Research shows that happy marriages have far more positive exchanges than negative ones (a ratio of at least 5 to 1).  <\/p>\n

So, again, the best thing to do is ask. Have a conversation with your spouse and ask, \u201cWhat are things I can do, or that I already do, that make you feel loved, cared about or appreciated?\u201d Then make it a priority to engage in these positive actions to express your love and care for your spouse. Try to do one item from their list every day. This is a sure way to bring improvement to your marriage!<\/p>\n

The staff at the Renewing Life Center is here to help you. Please call our office at 702 434-7290 if you would like to speak to one of our counselors. We are always open to new clients and can usually get you placed with a counselor the same week you call. <\/p>\n

Mark Whelchel, M.S., LMFT<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What are the top five things that make your spouse feel loved and cared for? 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