{"id":306,"date":"2022-05-25T16:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-05-25T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/think-twice\/"},"modified":"2024-12-17T19:02:00","modified_gmt":"2024-12-17T19:02:00","slug":"think-twice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/renewing-life-center-blog\/think-twice\/","title":{"rendered":"Think Twice"},"content":{"rendered":"<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
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I was in the grocery store the other day and a fight almost broke out in front of the checkout stands. A man who was waiting in the checkout line started yelling at another man who was standing a good 20 feet away from him. The man shouted, \u201cWho are you looking at?\u201d He then proceeded to yell, \u201cDo you have a problem with me? Do you think you\u2019re better than me? Do you want to do something about it?\u201d Now… the other man, who was standing 20 feet away, was completely shocked when a random stranger started yelling at him. He may have been looking in the general direction of where the other man was standing, but he was more likely wondering which of the Lays potato chips were on sale for $1.79.<\/p>\n

This is an extreme example of something you and I do every day.<\/p>\n

Let me explain… something happens in our environment – we develop a belief or understanding about what just happened – and this affects how we feel and what we do. For example, your son comes home and goes straight to his room without saying hello. You might believe your son is being rude, which may make you feel irritated and lead you to react to him in a punitive way. However, you could come to a different belief about your son\u2019s behavior. You might believe your son may have had a very rough day, which could make you feel compassion and move you to speak to him in a more comforting way.<\/p>\n

Hundreds of research articles tell us that our belief about an event affects our feelings and reactions far more than the event itself.<\/p>\n

The psychologist Albert Ellis, who was the father of rational emotive therapy, would diagram these interactions using the letters A, B and C. It would look something like this:<\/p>\n

A. <\/strong>\u2013 Activating event. Something happens which may be positive, negative, or neutral.<\/p>\n

B. <\/strong>\u2013 Belief about the event. This is the explanation we create for why the event happened. It\u2019s our self-talk.<\/p>\n

C. \u2013 <\/strong>Consequences. The feelings we experience, and the actions we take based on our belief about the event.<\/p>\n

As you can see in this diagram, what we believe or how we interpret an event has a profound influence on what we feel and what we do.<\/p>\n

Again, these \u201cevents\u201d happen to us every day.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      We may walk up to a few friends talking, but they stop talking when we arrive. <\/p>\n

\u00b7      You text a friend, and you don\u2019t get a reply.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Your spouse seems quieter and more withdrawn than usual.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Your child seems agitated regardless of what you say.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Someone seems to have a weird look on their face when they looked in your direction during a meeting at work.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      A couple friends do an activity together, but they didn\u2019t reach out to invite you.<\/p>\n

In each of these examples, we really don\u2019t know why the event happened, but we will form a belief about the event that will have a significant impact on what we feel and do, which in turn, may have a significant impact on the relationship. <\/p>\n

Research has found that we live more enjoyable and productive lives, and we have healthier marriages, families, and friendships when we follow these principles:<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Give a generous explanation for the behavior of others whenever possible.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Don\u2019t be a mind reader. Ask others when you are unsure of their actions, their words, or their intent.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Don\u2019t catastrophize. Look for, work for, and expect positive results.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Avoid overgeneralizations. Something negative may have happened, but that doesn\u2019t mean everything about the relationship, the event, or your life is bad. This type of black-and-white thinking misses out on much of the complexity inherent in people and events.<\/p>\n

\u00b7      Talk back to your thoughts and feelings. While it is important to consider our thoughts and feelings, it is also important to realize that not everything we think or feel it\u2019s true. It is healthy to take the time to examine our thoughts and emotions and consider alternatives.<\/p>\n

The apostle Paul talked about living this kind of positive and proactive life in Romans 12:17\u201318. He writes, \u201cDo not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

The staff at the Renewing Life Center is always available to serve and help you. Do not hesitate to reach out to us at 702 434-7290.<\/p>\n

Mark Whelchel, M.S., LMFT<\/em>       <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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