{"id":286,"date":"2022-01-12T17:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-12T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/forgiveness-what-it-isnt\/"},"modified":"2024-12-17T19:02:01","modified_gmt":"2024-12-17T19:02:01","slug":"forgiveness-what-it-isnt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/renewing-life-center-blog\/forgiveness-what-it-isnt\/","title":{"rendered":"Forgiveness: What It Isn\u2019t"},"content":{"rendered":"<div\n        class=\"\n          image-block-outer-wrapper\n          layout-caption-below\n          design-layout-inline\n          combination-animation-site-default\n          individual-animation-site-default\n          individual-text-animation-site-default\n        \"\n        data-test=\"image-block-inline-outer-wrapper\"\n    ><\/p>\n<figure\n            class=\"\n              sqs-block-image-figure\n              intrinsic\n            \"\n            style=\"max-width:2500px;\"\n        ><\/p>\n<div\n              \n              \n              class=\"image-block-wrapper\"\n              data-animation-role=\"image\"\n              \n  \n\n          ><\/p>\n<div class=\"sqs-image-shape-container-element\n              \n          \n        \n              has-aspect-ratio\n            \" style=\"\n                position: relative;\n                \n                  padding-bottom:66.5199966430664%;\n                \n                overflow: hidden;-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-radial-gradient(white, black);\n              \"\n              ><\/p>\n<p>                <img data-stretch=\"false\" src=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg\" data-image=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg\" data-image-dimensions=\"2500x1663\" data-image-focal-point=\"0.5,0.5\" alt=\"\" data-load=\"false\" elementtiming=\"system-image-block\" src=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg\" width=\"2500\" height=\"1663\" alt=\"\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, (max-width: 767px) 100vw, 100vw\" style=\"display:block;object-fit: cover; width: 100%; height: 100%; object-position: 50% 50%\" onload=\"this.classList.add(&quot;loaded&quot;)\" srcset=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=100w 100w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=300w 300w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=500w 500w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=750w 750w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=1000w 1000w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=1500w 1500w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1641933579714-FL1YUOD6K3BFRQI6JRHW\/unsplash-image-oLYzJXvsSnE.jpg?format=2500w 2500w\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-loader=\"sqs\"><\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/figure><\/div>\n<div class=\"sqs-html-content\">\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">\u201cI refuse to forgive.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">\u201cBut you\u2019re drowning in bitterness. Forgiveness can set you free.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">\u201cThat may be true but \u2026 I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Why? Why do people refuse to forgive?<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">This is my second of three blogs on forgiveness. If you missed the first one you can click&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/renewing-life-center-blog\/forgiveness-your-path-to-freedom\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">here<\/span><\/a>&nbsp;to read it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">There is so much confusion surrounding the topic of forgiveness. As a therapist it\u2019s something I help my clients with on a regular basis.&nbsp;<em>Do I have to forgive? Am I forgiven? How can I possibly forgive that?<\/em>&nbsp;Everyone has their own ideas of what forgiveness is, but some of our ideas aren\u2019t correct. In fact, it\u2019s those wrong understandings of forgiveness that lead many to refuse to forgive. So, maybe before we seek to understand what forgiveness is, it would be helpful to start with what forgiveness is&nbsp;<em>not<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><strong>Forgiveness is not forgetting<\/strong>. You\u2019ve heard, \u201cJust forgive and forget,\u201d but let\u2019s be honest, we can\u2019t erase memories from our minds. We aren\u2019t robots; we don\u2019t work like that. Trying to forget is like trying to hold a ball under water in a swimming pool. It\u2019s going to pop back up and hit you in the face. Nothing is solved by trying to bury things. If you try to forget, without forgiving, those bitter feelings will pop back up in your life.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><strong>Forgiveness is not silent<\/strong>. You\u2019ve heard, \u201cTime heals all wounds.\u201d That sounds great; it just isn\u2019t true. Forgiveness isn\u2019t waiting patiently to stop hurting and it\u2019s not waiting for the other person to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><strong>Forgiveness is not kiss and makeup<\/strong>. Have you ever had conflict with someone but then one day you both started acting like nothing ever happened? You might feel like all was forgiven, but no. Forgiveness is not sweeping the problem under the carpet and acting like everything is fine. Ignoring the problem isn\u2019t forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><strong>Forgiveness is not just saying the words, \u201cI forgive you\u201d<\/strong>. Most of us learned this wrong idea from our parents. If you had siblings, my guess is you didn\u2019t get along all the time. Did your mom or dad ever make you apologize? Were you ever forced to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d even though you didn\u2019t mean it? You can\u2019t force someone to apologize; forgiveness is more than just saying the words.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><strong>Forgiveness is not saying what happened was ok<\/strong>. Some refuse to forgive because what happened to them was wrong. But forgiving is not saying it wasn\u2019t wrong. It was. But you still need to forgive in order to heal and move forward.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><strong>Forgiveness is not reconciliation<\/strong>. Restoring the relationship with the person who hurt you is ideal, but not always possible. I am not encouraging you to put yourself in a dangerous situation where you will be victimized again, but I am encouraging you to forgive. And you can do the latter without the former.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">That\u2019s some of what forgiveness is not. But what is forgiveness? And why is it so important for you to do it? That\u2019s next time!<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">If you need help on your journey of forgiveness, reach out to us at the Renewing Life Center. We have a team of compassionate counselors who would love to walk with you!<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><em>Jennifer Antonucci, M.A., LMFT, LCADC<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cI refuse to forgive.\u201d&nbsp; \u201cBut you\u2019re drowning in bitterness. Forgiveness can set you free.\u201d \u201cThat may be true but \u2026 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":287,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-286","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-renewing-life-center-blog"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Forgiveness: What It Isn\u2019t - Renewing Life Center<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/renewing-life-center-blog\/forgiveness-what-it-isnt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Forgiveness: What It Isn\u2019t - Renewing Life Center\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cI refuse to forgive.\u201d&nbsp; \u201cBut you\u2019re drowning in bitterness. 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