{"id":173,"date":"2020-08-05T16:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-08-05T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/four-habits-for-a-healthy-marriage\/"},"modified":"2024-12-17T19:02:09","modified_gmt":"2024-12-17T19:02:09","slug":"four-habits-for-a-healthy-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/renewinglife.net\/renewing-life-center-blog\/four-habits-for-a-healthy-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Four Habits for a Healthy Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<div\n        class=\"\n          image-block-outer-wrapper\n          layout-caption-below\n          design-layout-inline\n          combination-animation-site-default\n          individual-animation-site-default\n          individual-text-animation-site-default\n        \"\n        data-test=\"image-block-inline-outer-wrapper\"\n    ><\/p>\n<figure\n            class=\"\n              sqs-block-image-figure\n              intrinsic\n            \"\n            style=\"max-width:100%;\"\n        ><\/p>\n<div\n              \n              \n              class=\"image-block-wrapper\"\n              data-animation-role=\"image\"\n              \n  \n\n          ><\/p>\n<div class=\"sqs-image-shape-container-element\n              \n          \n        \n              has-aspect-ratio\n            \" style=\"\n                position: relative;\n                \n                  padding-bottom:66.75999450683594%;\n                \n                overflow: hidden;-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-radial-gradient(white, black);\n              \"\n              ><\/p>\n<p>                <img data-stretch=\"true\" src=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg\" data-image=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg\" data-image-dimensions=\"2500x1669\" data-image-focal-point=\"0.5,0.5\" alt=\"\" data-load=\"false\" elementtiming=\"system-image-block\" src=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg\" width=\"2500\" height=\"1669\" alt=\"\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, (max-width: 767px) 100vw, 100vw\" style=\"display:block;object-fit: cover; width: 100%; height: 100%; object-position: 50% 50%\" onload=\"this.classList.add(&quot;loaded&quot;)\" srcset=\"https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=100w 100w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=300w 300w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=500w 500w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=750w 750w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=1000w 1000w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=1500w 1500w, https:\/\/images.squarespace-cdn.com\/content\/v1\/5e3214bbf475476db309305b\/1596599685672-YC2ONQWWGB24ENCUYBR9\/image-asset.jpeg?format=2500w 2500w\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-loader=\"sqs\"><\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/figure><\/div>\n<div class=\"sqs-html-content\">\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">My husband and I just celebrated our 26th&nbsp;wedding anniversary!&nbsp;&nbsp;You probably assume that since I\u2019m a marriage therapist we have the perfect marriage.&nbsp;&nbsp;Nope!&nbsp;&nbsp;Marriage is difficult for everyone, even for people who know how to help others.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">&nbsp;What can help you in your marriage? Here are a few things I\u2019ve learned over the years:<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">&nbsp;1.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<em>Go back to the beginning<\/em>.&nbsp;&nbsp;Remember when you first met your partner?&nbsp;&nbsp;How beautiful she was or funny he was?&nbsp;&nbsp;How kind she was or how patient he was?&nbsp;&nbsp;You went on dates and spent hours talking.&nbsp;&nbsp;There was something that brought you together and kept you together all the way to the altar.&nbsp;&nbsp;You vowed to stay together for better or worse and you meant it.&nbsp;&nbsp;You couldn\u2019t wait to spend the rest of your life together.&nbsp;&nbsp;Fast forward a few years and you\u2019re not going on dates and barely speaking. What happened? I don\u2019t know, but I know it will help to return to the things you did at first.&nbsp;&nbsp;Even if it\u2019s a little awkward at first: Go on dates.&nbsp;&nbsp;Schedule time to talk every night (you can start small with 5 or 10 minutes).&nbsp;&nbsp;Go on a vacation without the kids.&nbsp;&nbsp;The goal is to connect and remember that you like each other.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">&nbsp;2.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<em>Solve your solvable problems<\/em>.&nbsp;&nbsp;You have issues in your marriage?&nbsp;&nbsp;That\u2019s not weird; there is no such thing as a problem-free relationship.&nbsp;&nbsp;The key is not making mountains out of molehills.&nbsp;&nbsp;There might be bigger issues, but some of the things you fight about are probably manageable.&nbsp;&nbsp;Focus on solving the easy-to-solve issues.&nbsp;&nbsp;For instance, maybe you fight about who does what chores in the house.&nbsp;&nbsp;You can fix that with a chore chart or by alternating chores each week.&nbsp;&nbsp;There are simple solutions to most problems.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">&nbsp;3.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<em>Become a student of your spouse<\/em>.&nbsp;&nbsp;My husband and I are total opposites.&nbsp;&nbsp;He\u2019s all about facts; I\u2019m all about feelings.&nbsp;&nbsp;He likes to watch sports; I like to watch crime dramas.&nbsp;&nbsp;He likes to go out for Mexican or Chinese; I \u2026 don\u2019t like to go out for Mexican or Chinese.&nbsp;&nbsp;We\u2019re opposites, and one thing that\u2019s helped us is understanding each other\u2019s personalities and love languages.&nbsp;&nbsp;It lets you know the other person isn\u2019t wrong, just different.&nbsp;&nbsp;Here are three free tests:&nbsp;&nbsp;www.16personalities.com, www.truity.com (click on The Enneagram Personality Test), www.5lovelanguages.com.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">&nbsp;4.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<em>Learn how to communicate effectively<\/em>.&nbsp;&nbsp;As a marriage counselor the number one complaint I hear from couples is that they don\u2019t know how to communicate effectively.&nbsp;&nbsp;The goal of every conversation should be to listen and speak with kindness and respect.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Take note of the tone you are using and the words you are saying.&nbsp;&nbsp;Are you speaking with gentleness or in anger?&nbsp;&nbsp;Do you communicate love to your spouse, even in the middle of a disagreement?&nbsp;&nbsp;Does your partner feel safe, like he or she can be vulnerable with you?&nbsp;&nbsp;Do you pray before having difficult conversations?&nbsp;&nbsp;If you want to have a healthy marriage (and I bet you do!) you need to focus more on being loving than being right.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">&nbsp;I encourage you to get help if you need it.&nbsp;&nbsp;My husband and I have sought marriage counseling at different points in our marriage.&nbsp;&nbsp;In fact, some of the tips I just shared with you we learned in counseling!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My husband and I just celebrated our 26th&nbsp;wedding anniversary!&nbsp;&nbsp;You probably assume that since I\u2019m a marriage therapist we have the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":174,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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